An End, A Beginning, And Trying Something New~*

First I guess I'll start with the ending, the end is always a good way to start:

Well, today was my last day working at the vet. It's been good fun but it was so emotionally stressful. I don't think I could have taken one more day of someone coming in to have their best friend, baby, or soul mate put to sleep. I think my last straw was last saturday when I had to hold a one day old kitten as it took its last breath. That was hard and I don't think I've ever sobbed so hard.

Working at the vet was an amazing experience and I learned so very much. I am very thankful that I was able to get this opportunity.

The newest intern that I had really become good friends with in the last few weeks had me a little party today with a cake and everything. Thanks so much Sarah!!

For the beginning:

Today is also the beginning of something new. Soon I will be starting a new job and it'll be different than ever before I think, I guess in my mind I've matured a bit. I chose to leave the vet and now I must search for another "career" type job. I've gotten so used to the money, not that I'm greedy, that I don't think I could go very long without a job.

I'm going to try and take a little initiative and start driving to work, I'm going to have something that's no more than 10-15 minutes away so it won't be too bad. I hope to have my license by the end of the summer. (I mean the season, not the "summer months")

As for the "something new":

I tried sushi for the first time today and I actually found it to be pretty good. I tried so many things that I can't name them all but a few were a california roll, bagel roll, crunch roll, dragon's tail, and raw tuna. I though I would die from eating raw fish but it was actually really good. I think my favorite was the bagel roll. (smoked salmon, creme cheese, cucumber, and avocado)

Well that wasn't much of a blog but I've been neglecting it for so long that I thought this was better than nothing. So much has been going on in my life that half the time I feel as if I'm sitting on my butt watching the world streak by. Well, either that or I'm running as fast as I can to catch up!

Keep me in your thoughts and prayers please, I think I really need it right now.

Few Facts About Me

-I'm not always in the mood for chocolate.

-My favorite candy is Dove chocolate.

-When I write, if I feel I didn't pour my whole self into it, I throw it out and start over.

-I'm not just a book lover, I am an addict.

-One day I want to travel the world.

-I want to join a gym.

-I want to live in NY and see the Mets and Yankees play at Shea Stadium.

-I want my next kiss to be to the guy I am to marry.

-I like to be held tight... and just stay like that for a bit.

-I like classical music and rock.

-One day I wanna make a famous author's fan site.

-I love white daisies.

-Sometimes I just want to sit in the middle of nowhere and forget everything.

-I regret things I have done in the past but I do my best to not forget so I won't do it again.

-I love to sit and dream.

-I love the fast pace of the big city.

-I want to travel all over the USA and go to different baseball games.

-I want to be fluent in at least 3 languages.

-I want (and NEED) to learn to drive.

-I want to be as nice as I can to everyone I meet... and mean it.

-I love to sit outside in the middle of the night.

-One day I want to write a poem about how I see love, and everyone understand.

-I want to lay down at night and know all is right in the world.

-I love to watch newborn kittens eat.

-I love the sweet innocence of a child.

-I want to help other achieve their dreams.

-Putting a smile on another's face is the highlight of my days.

-My friends and family are my life.

-I own more books than God :P

-I LOVE THE BRAVES!

-I'm going to college.

The Statue

This is a little something that I've been working on for a while. This is just the first paragraph and I've very excited about it. Tell me what you think.


In a place long, long ago, there stood a statue of a beautiful lady in the middle of an ancient courtyard. Vines had long overtaken the broken benches surrounding the place and only one column still stood. The lady's name had long been forgotten by the people of the land but all knew the dreadful story of her life. Her statue stood for all that had once been, all that been great and wonderful. Freedom. In her hands she held out a book of gold and her face, though regal, showed a look of pleading. She looked as if she was begging you to take the book and read the words upon its pages. There was a legend, passed down from parent to child, that one day a hero would come who possessed the magic within she required and take the book. It had been hundreds of years since she had passed and the last of the Great Rulers had ruled. Now the world was filled with uncertainty, fear, and pain. The people waited for the day when the hero would come and save them. May that day come soon.

The Joy and Pain

Imagine this:

A little girl walks into the adoption center and sees the kitty she has always dreamed of. Of course I begin explaining to her mom and dad what the adoption process is, facts about the cat, and what the adoption fee is. Mom and Dad decide that their little one can't go one more day without her kitty and Mom rushes off and buy anything and everything the cat will ever need while Dad stays and begins the paperwork. The little girl is beaming, holding the big orange cat she has chosen across his belly and squeezing him tight. She had already named him Starfish. After about 10 minutes Mom returns and we all look over everything she bought, I am very excited for this cat! He is getting a wonderful home and I am inwardly cheering. They finish the paperwork, pay the adoption fee, pack up Starfish in his new carrier and they go home.

Now imagine this:

We get a call from animal control, they have two, 3 weeks old kittens. We get in the car and we rush over. Kittens that small will need bottle feeding but we're prepared, we do this all year long with many babies. Finally we pull up and Mom jumps out while Hannah and I wait for her to return. It's just been a few minutes when Mom comes back out carrying a wooden salad bowl. Her face is full of anger, pain, and sadness. I take a deep breath and prepare myself and Hannah says "Oh no." When mom gets in the car she gently hands me the bowl and instructs Hannah to call work, the vet, and tell them that the kittens are going to need immediate medical attention. I look down into the bowl. Inside are two tiny black and while kittens curled up together asleep. They are wrapped in fishing next. The smell is horrible, like death, and I say a silent prayer for them, they have to be in so much pain. I ask mom what happened. She says that the lady who brought them in said that someone had wrapped them in it at birth and now they had grown larger and it was imbedded in their skin. The lady had known about this all along and had let them stay like that. We ride back to the vet as fast as we can, Mom is driving 20 miles over the speed limit and proclaiming that if she gets pulled over the officer can escort her to the vet and give her her ticket there. I walk into the vet, almost in tears, and I hand the small bowl to one of the doctors. "Fix it," I almost beg. He takes one look, cursing the lady who brought them in under his breath, and sadly shakes his head. There is no hope, they are gangrenous and rotting within. I am filled with outrage, sorrow, and am heartbroken. How could anyone care so little?

This is what it's like to work in animal rescue. Everyday is filled with it's up and downs. I see a lot of bad cases working with the vet too, I could go on and on. Though a lot of times it hurts, even when ones I foster gets adopted, I know I must go on because if I don't do it then there may not be someone else to pick up where I quit. For every animal I am able to help there are thousands more across the world that I can't but I mad a difference just through that one. Every animal that is spayed or neutered is many more that won't be born into a world that couldn't care less about them sometimes.

Next time you're petting your cat, dog, guinea pig, or bird, remember all the ones that don't have someone to love them. Say a little prayer for their well being and remember the rescuers who do their best to help them in anyway they can. When you get a little extra money how about donating it to your local shelter or humane society? Even if it's $5 then that's more than they had yesterday and it's money that goes toward food, shots, spays and neuters, and the water bill, the electric bill, and gas for the transportation of the animals. In this modern world filled with houses, skyscrapers, parking lots, and manmade contraptions the animals rely on us for help.

When I Grow Up I'm Going to Be....

As all children do in their lives, I've wanted to "be" so many different things. Depending on what day it was, the weather, or what show I was watching on the Disney channel I could want to be a teacher, a cheerleader, a baseball player, a doctor, or some other random thing at any given time. As I've grown up over the years I have learned more about myself but still I go back and forth between what I want to go to college to study or even if I want to go to college at all. I think I've finally narrowed down the long list from my childhood to just three jobs. I'll have to choose one of these eventually and I'll go and study at a college. For now, I know what I want to be when I grow up.

I want to be me.

I can't remember how old I was when I heard this discussion for the first time. I know I was at some function with other kids and I know that it was many years ago. I remember all of us sitting on the floor and waiting for the speaker to come up and do their speech so we could go along our way. The speaker walked up to the front, smiled, and said, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" People started calling out from all across the room and the man would repeat many of them as they were called. "A teacher? The president? A soldier? A firefighter? All of those sound good to me... But have you ever thought about just being yourself?"

There was silence and all eyes in the room were upon him. What did he mean? He asked what we wanted to...Oh, I get it. He didn't ask what job we wanted do, he asked what we wanted to be. Since then it's been pretty easy.

For every job and every act there is a special type of person related to it; a teacher must like children, an author must like to write, a garbage man... Well, I'm not exactly sure what you need to be a garbage man but I'm sure there is something. My point is, people expect certain things out of people who work in each field of expertise. Can't I love animals but want to be a teacher more? I'm really good with doing jobs at the vet and people expect me to be a vet or a tech. What I really want to do is study history and write books, teach, and travel the world and see where everything took place. That is my dream and I'm not going to let someone change my mind.

I try to be me as much as I can. It's hard not to fall for peer pressure sometimes but you learn to deal with it. I'm not going to do something or be someone just because there is someone else who wants me to. When I wake up in the morning I know that I'm going to spend my day doing things that are things -I- do. I'm growing up and slowly discovering who am and and what I'm made of. Sometimes I can't see past that night and sometimes it seems I have my whole life planned. I get mixed up at times but I try to keep my head up and not let someone else lead me astray. I'm doing all that I can so that when I grow up I will be me.

The Virgin Queen's Lover

They made up the most beautiful love story of all time. Theirs was a romance that was full of unspoken, unfulfilled love. They were never to express their true feelings and they were never to be together as they wished they could be. It is a story that one would expect from Shakespeare's mind or a scene painted by Rembrandt himself. It is the story of Queen Elizabeth I and her Horse Master, Lord of Liecester, her Robert Dudley.

Elizabeth was eight and Robert was ten when they danced together for the first time in her father's, Henry VIII, Court. There was a break in time after this where they were hardly together and only saw each other sparingly at Court. In 1553, Elizabeth's sister, Mary I, came to the throne and they both spent time in the Tower. While Protestant Elizabeth was there simply because she was a threat to her Catholic sister's position, Robert was sent to the Tower of London because of a plot that he had been involved with along with his father and brothers. Both were being held to await the decision of whether they should go to the scaffold or not. Though both were afraid for their lives, they sent messages to each other to keep them strong while they lay in wait of their fate. This was the beginning of their long love affair.

Mary died in 1558, Elizabeth became Queen of England. Robert Dudley was among the first to pledge his oath to serve her, he sold all of his estates and brought her all of them money he had received. Knowing of his outstanding horsemanship and being already attracted to his masculinity and grace, she decided to make him her Master of Horse. This position would keep him close to her at all time times. He was her jewel at Court, her favorite dance partner, and her pride and joy.

Robert was married, his wife being Amy Robsart. Robert tended to keep his wife at his house, deep in the country, instead of at Court with him. Amy was reported to be dying from a sickness of the breast, now thought to be cancer, and many thought that once she was gone he would marry the Queen. His marriage had been one of young lust to a woman below his standing only allowed because her family was rich. Being Horse Master kept him away from his wife most of the time and no children came of the marriage. Eventually Amy did die from a mysterious fall down the stairs at their home. No one knows if it was accidental, murder, or whether she committed suicide because of the shame and stress put on her by her love-sick husband. I am inclined to think it was the latter.

Before Amy's death, Robin was the perfect man for the Virgin Queen Elizabeth to keep around her to love and court her constantly; Robert was no threat to her virgin state because he was a married man. Being courted was one of Elizabeth's favorite things in life, it was full of passion, thrills, gifts, and jealousy. The Queen's household was filled with only beautiful men and women of nobility to love her and assure her that she was without equal. She seemed to live for the affection of her people but mostly on the attention given to her by her "Bonny Sweet Robin".

Their attention toward one another was noted by all and Elizabeth, who normally would do anything needed to keep her people happy, seemed to turn a blind eye to all of it. Emissaries from the various European countries staying in the Queen's Court sent letters back to their monarchs filled with rumors of the supposed scandal taking place. Elizabeth and Robert's response to these rumors were only to point out that the Queen was attended at all times by her ladies and gentlemen, she would not have had a moment to set aside her honor even if she had wanted to, which she did not. Elizabeth very carefully nurtured her image as the Virgin Queen.

A man from a traitorous family, his grandfather, father, and brother having taken their walk to the scaffold, Robert was very blessed by Elizabeth's attention. Most men looked down on him and were very jealous and resentful of his place in the Queen's heart. The Council was very afraid that Elizabeth would lose sight of her country because of her attention to him. The Lords of Sussex and Northumberland were probably his greatest enemies; they tried to keep him from their Queen by any means possible. Elizabeth would have none of it and bestowed upon him title after title, ones he probably never really earned. Robert was very proud of his ascendancy and though his love was true, his eyes were always a the crown.

They were known to play some of the meanest tricks and cruelest jokes on one another. Elizabeth offered Robert as husband to more than one royal lady and though she would never have really sent him, this always angered Robert and sent him in a fit of rage from Court. Robert, never gone long, would soon be assaulting her back by having affairs with other ladies or some other silly such. Again he would go from Court, but by order of an irate Queen. They would continue with this until their deaths.

I imagine you are beginning to wonder why I think of them as the most beautiful love story of all time. They constantly used each other to further themselves, took joy in making one another angry, and were always in the center of some scandal. The thing that makes their love so wonderful in my eyes is that it lasted so long. Too many people today marry, quickly find that they were mistaken, and divorce. Though Robert himself was guilty of this as a young man he did find his lady and stood by her side. I'm an not saying to have your wife killed or cause her to commit suicide if you find someone that you think is the One, what I mean is that people need to pay a little more attention and be more sure before they embark on that trip which is marriage.

There was also a sweetness in Robin's courtship of his lady that is lost in the world today. Not a kiss, a hug, or any sort of inappropriate behavior ever passed between him and her and yet they were not any less in love. Many teenager seem to think that love is expressed by the deeds you do with one another rather than the sweet words you say, the love filled looks you give, or the careful choosing of a gift for the other; I see so many pregnant young girls. There is a lesson to be learned from this love story: Love is not shown by what you do but by how you act.

One of these days I want to find my Robert Dudley. I don't know how many times I've said this now but it's true. I want someone who can see me for who I am, knows my strengths and weaknesses, and sees that there could be a happy partnership between us. I want someone to love me for my grace, beauty, mind, and heart. I know one day my prince will come, my Robin Dudley.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

My Prince-

I look about at all the people I know,
and wonder if he'll ever show.
In a crowd of many, I look around and smile.
Each face, each name, carefully, in my mind I file.
Will he ever come? Is he here now?
On the ship of life, I stand waiting at the bow.
They say someday he'll come,
so while walking 'round I'll hum.
It's one tune I know so well,
a theme song for this southern belle.
Is there a such as love at first sight?
Will inside there be a little light?
An undiscovered prince he may be,
but is he one who already stands by me?

A Southern Belle, A Georgia Peach

My grandfather is selling his house down in FL. He has 5 acres, a creek, good hunting, and it's my mom's to have a farm. The land is down in Defuniak Springs, up in the panhandle. The house is only three bedrooms so my sister and I will probably have to share until we can add on... Or I go to VA to go to college. I really wish I didn't have to leave GA.

I'm going home in a moment so I don't have time to write a whole blog. I am working on a long blog about Robert Dudley and Queen Elizabeth I. I'm going to try and have it finished by tomorrow but it might be saturday. I'm excited about this one!